Wallowing In Self-Pity Is A Team Sport
My mom used to sternly tell us, “Don’t go around wallowing in self-pity!”
She hated when we did that.
And that used to annoy me, because “Dammit! I liked wallowing in self-pity sometimes.” But if my mom ever got around to saying anything, I was probably moving past a helpful self-reflection and descending into an unhealthy slump.
In other words, I was beginning to wallow in self-pity.
Let’s clear up what we’re talking about:
self-pity (noun)
- a self-indulgent dwelling on one's own sorrows or misfortunes (Merriam Webster)
- excessive, self-absorbed unhappiness over one's own troubles (Oxford Languages)
- compassion for the self (some YouTube guy)
And that becomes much more of a concern when we…
wallow (verb)
- to become or remain helpless (Merriam Webster)
- to roll oneself about in a lazy, relaxed, or ungainly manner (Merriam Webster)
- indulge in an unrestrained way (Oxford)
- roll about in something (dictionary.com)
So yes, my mom would often call me out while I was rolling around in pitiful thoughts about my self-described sad situation.
My dad, on the other hand, would see me around and literally pick me up out of my slump and jokingly plop me somewhere like the front porch, a sibling’s bed, in a dry bathtub, or anywhere that would get me out of my current spot.
Between the two of them, I think I’ve found an attitude that works for me.
Don’t go around wallowing in self-pity.
Get up and grow into a better situation.
That’s cool. The story ends here, right?
Not exactly.
Because in our current world, I’m seeing a different problem:
Wallowing in self-pity as a team sport.
Back when I was a kid, I viewed self-pity as an individual activity. Because if someone got in a funk, we acknowledged it, it got worked through, and we all kept going.
Now it wasn’t all cherries and roses, but the overall narrative was to keep everyone moving.
What I see happening now is the propogation of a dangerous narrative of “woe is me” that seems to be everywhere. I know because I have to fight against it constantly, lest I be pulled into the cold, dark embrace of stagnant non-creativity.
The trick in this era is that you are never alone in your misery. There will always be some voice encouraging you to keep rolling around in the mud of your negative and non-progressive thoughts. Those voices may even convince you to wallow in their self-pity as well.
This is where the team sport side of things comes into play.
Numerous groups have fed themselves a narrative stating that it’s more beneficial to complain, feel bad, wither away, endure, and suffer, rather than to create a better situation.
It’s terrible, and you know what I’m talking about.
What’s a shame is that we will usually admit that such narratives are poisonous and unhealthy, but if everyone else is taking the poison, we somehow shrug our shoulders and accept it.
Because what else are you going to do?
You will create.
That’s what you’ll do.
You will create a different situation for yourself and plop yourself down in it until you get moving again.
You will make something new
You will talk to someone different
You will do more of what worked before
You will have a different conversation
You will ask a different question
You will take a different route
You will try what worked for someone else
You will let go of the bullsh** holding you back
You will wash yourself of stagnating thoughts
…but you won’t sit in the mud complaining how dirty you are. I get why my mom used to get upset over it.
As a creative creator, you are ultimately responsible for figuring out how to create a better way from your self-pity and create a better situation.
Choose your path, adventurer.
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